Seasick on the Dock

The beginning of first-time cruise vacation was a bit hectic and very stressful…we inadvertently forgot to bring copies of our birth certificates, didn’t own passports at the time, and traveled only with our driver’s licenses as picture I.D.  At that time, the airlines accepted driver’s licenses as photo identification, but not the cruise lines.  We were told after we had flown half-way across the country and were getting onto the bus to go to the dock that we wouldn’t be able to board without a passport or birth certificate.  We spent most of an hour on the cell phone trying to explain to the kids at home how to open the home safe so they could FAX a copy of our birth certificates.  Sadly, the kids never did get the safe open.  However, after trying to walk them through the process two dozen times, the entire bus now knows our safe combination by heart.  Luckily, we got either a kind hearted or naïve boarding agent who accepted just the driver’s licenses and we boarded.  Talk about skirting a potential disaster and stressfully learning an important lesson!  Dripping in sweat with our nerves completely shot, we toasted our luck and calmed down at the nearest bar. Other than our initial introduction to cruising, it was a fantastic cruise.

   --- Bon Voyage

Romancing the Bayou

On a special vacation a few years ago down in Southern California, I woke everyone excited to get going to our first destination, Disneyland.  We opted for Disneyland theme park over California Adventure theme park for a couple reasons.  One, we have always lived in California and have always thoroughly enjoyed visiting the “original” Disneyland; and two, over a candlelight dinner under a full moon-lit bayou swamp swarming with dancing fireflies reflecting on ink black waters, I proposed to my lovely wife.  I further recall during that special dinner how we were serenaded by an occasional muffled horrified scream and the repeated low drone of, “Dead men tell no tales!”  Yes, I proposed to her in Disneyland's Blue Bayou Restaurant twenty seven-years ago, and my wife and I felt compelled to share the initial family beginning with our budding beautiful daughters as they enter their romantic years.  As if time stood still (minus the aging aches, wrinkles, and gray hair), my wife and I repeated the joyous fun-filled “magical” twelve hour adventure in Disneyland, and a delicious meal in a restaurant that’s ambiance was virtually unchanged from almost three decades earlier.  It’s funny how some things change and other things don’t.  Regardless, we, as a family revisited and celebrated our family’s origin, wherein I repeated the initial popped question and she again squealed the excited “yes” response.  Hours later, we returned with sore feet to the in-laws house and got to sleep around 1:15 a.m.
        --- PCW

Painful Memories

Many, many years ago during a hot summer’s backpacking trip with some buddies, we took advantage of the wilderness and skinny-dipped in a cool pool of stream water off the beaten path.  Feeling cool and comfortable, I walked out of the water, grabbed my towel off a warming rock, and wrapped it around my waist.  A second later that towel went flying as I yelled a mountain-echoing profanity and with horror bulging eyes gasped in pain as I looked down at the meanest overly zealous large black carpenter ant latched onto my ah.…how should I say it.…ah….manhood!  That huge mandibled-creature with all its might refused to relinquish its prey no matter what was done to release its grasp.  The fierce battle lasted several excruciating minutes and was won following decapitation of the vicious creature and tweezering the miniature beast’s grip.  I guess the site of me naked and jumping around on the side of the stream screaming like a wounded Banshee trying to remove the pint-sized carnivorous predator from my ah….extremity, was a humorous sight to behold.  My friend’s tearful side-splitting hysterical laughter and constant ribbing added to my pain the rest of that trip.  It is now a classic tale that draws equally intense hilarity every time we reminisce of camping 35 years later.
        --- Justin Payne


Love Boat Whines

Regardless of purchasing a smaller or larger cruise stateroom, two things seemed to bother my husband and I repeatedly on our cruise.  One was the toilet!  That “swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, super-suck THUNK!” always caught us off guard, giving us a startled jump with every ending “THUNK!”  There was no doubt in my mind that anyone’s travel constipation crisis could be fixed instantly if you accidentally flushed while sitting!  The second thing was the bed.  Both rooms had twin beds pushed together to make one large bed.  It boggled my mind to think that an Italian manufactured “Love Boat” would have bedrooms designed in the 1950’s style of Ozzy and Harriet, or Lucy and Ricky Ricardo!  I always seemed to be getting stuck in, or falling into, the Grand Canyon abyss between the mattresses at the most inopportune moments…if you catch my drift!
        --- Gail Storm